Alternative Media Group

THE NAKED CITY – with Miss Death, Jay Katz and Coffin Ed

Author:

Angela Bennetts

Posted:

Monday, 22 February 2010

ATTACK OF THE SHAMWOW – IN GLORIOUS 3D!

Abandoned, ostracised, thrown out onto the street and left to the vagaries of the weather! No we are not talking about the homeless although the description might still apply. Analogue TV sets – that’s what litter the footpaths and back alleys of this mighty metropolis as digital receivers become all the rage.

It’s just another chapter in the never ending story of technological obsolescence as thousands and thousands of perfectly good TV sets head for the nearest landfill. And even as we speak the current range of whizbang plasmas and LCD’s might be looking down the barrel of the same fate. 3D TV is lurking just around the corner and to view it you will need to buy the latest high tech receiver along with a set of battery powered glasses for all the family. Out goes the old HD plasma!

We are all familiar with the 3D phenomenon at the movies. Once a gimmick to attract cinema goers to an essentially B grade series of horror and sci-fi flicks in the 60’s  and 70’s,   it ‘s now the accepted and heavily promoted medium for movies like Avatar and Alice In Wonderland.

Three-D television however remains a brave new frontier and whilst sport and movies will have a ready made techno-hungry audience what about the adverts? TV commercials have always been an intrusion, even on SBS, and it’s scary to think how the advertising agencies will exploit the 3D novelty to literally ram that product down your throat.

Imagine you have just settled in for a  nice quite night with Inspector Rex or Grey’s Anatomy when a giant Shamwow leaps from the screen and literally wraps itself around your body, dragging you to every nook and cranny of your dusty bedsit and then ringing you out like an old Wettex. It would be trauma, imbedded deep in the receptors of your 3D mind, and just what the hidden persuaders would be hoping for.

Telemarketers, with their in your face pitches, would be at the forefront of the three dimensional advertising revolution. Your lounge room could soon become a living hell as magic mops, exercise machines and even snuggies explode from your brand new 3D flatscreen and invade your precious entertainment time. In a final apocalyptic vision of the new technology, an alien Space Bag sucks the oxygen from your entire apartment and leaves you frantically gasping for air as you shed those 3D glasses and desperately search for the remote to shut this nightmare down.

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